


How I Learned to Sort Through the Pieces

by cassiopeiasara



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friends Hurt/Comfort, Kat centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 12:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopeiasara/pseuds/cassiopeiasara
Summary: Immediately following 1.05. Adena leaves and Kat figures some things out.





	How I Learned to Sort Through the Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was not beta'd because it took me too long to write and I wanted to post before the new ep. It's labeled canon divergence because I highly doubt they'll cover this much time in the rest of the season. Hope y'all like it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of The Bold Type but Nicki and Michelle are mine. No profit is sought and no copyright infringement is intended.

They're waiting for her at the station two blocks from Adena's apartment.  It's all she can do not to burst into tears at the sight of them. It's Sutton who reaches for her first but Jane's arms are only a second behind. **  
**

"Let's get you home," whispers Sutton.

They sandwich her between them on the subway. Kat nestles in Sutton's neck and holds Jane's hand. She longs and she aches and she's surprised her tears are still at bay with how much it feels like is pouring out of her. One of them, Jane probably, fishes in her purse for her key and unlocks the door. They pause after the door closes.

"Can we get you anything?" asks Jane.

Kat just shakes her head. Sutton moves her to the bedroom, Kat somehow climbs in but it doesn't register, autopilot kicking in. She feels the bed dip on both sides and soon they have her between them just like the subway. She drifts to sleep with the words  _I booked a flight, we're going to try to work things out_  repeating on an endless loop inside her head.

It's the middle of the night when she wakes up, sore as hell and delirious for a moment, even hopeful that the arm slung around her waist is Adena. That hope is easy when Jane is no longer in front of her. Then she remembers, slowly then all at once and she feels the tears well in her eyes.

"Hey," says Sutton as she nudges Kat's waist.

Kat wipes her eyes before she turns to face her. "I was ready this time. I was actually ready."

"I know and I'm so proud of you."

She cups Kat's cheek and that's when the tears finally flow. Sutton rocks her and wipes her cheeks. It should be soothing but Kat still feels like she's falling apart, like she's breaking at the seams and there isn't a way to put herself back together again.

"Is it always like this?" She manages to choke out between sobs.

"No," says Sutton. "But it never feels that way when it's this fresh." She squeezes Kat and Kat bursts anew.

In the morning, Sutton cooks breakfast and Kat drags herself into the shower, wanting nothing more than to curl back into bed and wallow. Adulthood is a bitch.

She doesn't taste any of the food but she eats anyway because Sutton looks at her like a mother who won't take no for an answer. _Bless her_.

* * *

She throws herself into work, stays late, comes in early. She feels like a zombie but Scarlet’s twitter stats are up and it's good to excel at something.  She lasts three days before she looks at Coco's Instagram. There's a picture of Adena on a balcony, the one from their apartment if previous pictures are any indication, her eyes are weary and she looks exhausted. There's a moment where Kat feels such a kinship with that look because it speaks of trying when you're not sure you want to.

Then Jane leans over her shoulder and whispers, "It won't help, babe."

Kat clicks out of the app and sighs. "I know."

* * *

Two months later and she feels less like a zombie. She makes sure to steer clear of both Coco and Adena's social media accounts, slipping up only once to see them vacationing in Italy. The look on Adena's face hasn't changed and she tries not to read too much into it.

Jane slips by her desk and smiles, the look in her eyes telling Kat she wants something. "Hey sweetie."

Kat doesn't turn fully away from her computer but tilts her head in acknowledgement. "Hey."

"So I have to write an article on speed dating and I'm wondering if you want to join."

Kat raises her eyebrows and finally turns around. "What?"

Jane's smile widens and Kat hates that she's probably going to say yes. "You know, you switch between people every 5 minutes, mark who you like and get potential dates at the end."

"What about pinstripe?"

Jane shrugs. "It's just an article and he and I aren't anything more than a convenience."

Kat shakes her head because if there is something Jane isn't good at, it's keeping things casual. "How bout Alex?"

"He's busy.” Jane starts to bat her eyelashes and pouts.  “Please Kat, come on, you don't have to stay if you don't want to and even if you find someone capitable, you don't have to date them."

Kat sighs. "Fine." Jane starts to bounce on the edge of the desk. Kat holds up a finger. "But you owe me dinner."

Jane kisses her cheek. "Done, we leave at 7."

* * *

Kat hesitates as she fills out her card. There are options and for the first time, she realizes she might be curious about them. She can mark _men only_ , _women only_ , or _men and women_.

"Hey, are you ready?" Jane stands next to her with her name tag, evaluation card and number.

Kat quickly checks the _men and women_ box and hands her card to the organizer. "Yeah, let's get this over with."

The first couple of men are duds and Kat is thinking of all the ways Jane will have to make this up to her when a woman sits down. She's wearing a navy maxi dress with a few silver bracelets dangling from each arm and hoops Kat also owns.

"Hey," she says. Kat's eyes flicker down to her name tag,  _Nicki_.

Kat extends a hand. "Hi." There's something that piques her curiosity when they shake hands.

"Kat, what do you do?" Nicki’s tone is warm and her smile is kind.

"Social media director. How bout you?"

Nicki places her hand on her chest and Kat tries not to think of someone else and _you touched me here too_. "Nurse."

Kat nods, clearing the memory away and reminding herself that things are different now. She can move on. She needs to. "Wow, that's awesome."

Nicki chuckles and drops her hand. "Some days yeah, others I think of all the things I'd rather be."

Kat smiles. "I know what you mean."

Nicki gestures towards the room. "So what brings you here?"

"A friend."

Nicki nods. "A friend suggested it to me too. It's not usually my style, I mean how much can you know anyone in five minutes?"

Kat feels something ease in her chest and she laughs. "Right? It seems like a weird way to try to get to meet people."

Nicki leans on her open palm and something about that movement makes Kat lean in closer. "It's efficient though and I guess most of us decide in the first few minutes if someone is interesting anyway." Her lips turn up into a sly smile and it makes Kat's cheeks warm.

"Yeah, I guess--"

The bell rings for them to switch and Kat almost screams because it can't be five minutes already. Nicki nods as she stands up.

"Nice to meet you, Kat."

Kat nods back. "You too, Nicki."

The next hour goes by in a blur of boring to semi-interesting men and women. Kat ends up with five people she might like, two men and three women and turns in her card.

Jane sighs as they wait for their match cards. "Well, that was a lot. Want to go for Thai?"

Kat nods. "Sounds good."

Their numbers are called and Kat finds herself more eager to find her matches than she anticipated. All five people say yes to her but it's Nicki's name at the top that stands out the most. There's a number listed and Kat wonders how much time is allowed before it's weird to follow up.

She tries to catch a glimpse of Nicki as they walk out but there are too many people and Jane is starving.

* * *

It's Nicki who calls her in the end and they go for coffee somewhere Alex raved about in his last review.

Nicki is in pants this time, her long curly hair pinned up and a necklace Kat knows Sutton would kill for.

They sit at a small table and Kat notices that Nicki's smile is just as charming in the day time.

"So do you get any other perks besides merch and access to a closet full of designer clothes?"

Kat shrugs. "Depends on the week I guess and what we're trying to promote."

Nicki nods and sips her coffee. "My sister works in publishing, she's always sending me books I never have time to read."

Kat smiles. "I know how you feel."

Nicki winks. "Watch any good TV lately? I feel like I'm ten years behind everyone else."

Kat chuckles and goes into a spiel about her latest Netflix find. Nicki is fun and she's easy to talk to but Kat can't help but compare. She doesn't captivate her like Adena had and Kat feels less like she's tripping over every word.

Maybe it's better this way. Maybe this is what Sutton meant when she said it doesn't always hurt as bad.

* * *

Jane and Sutton love Nicki and there are times where Kat feels like she might be able to as well. Nicki doesn't pressure her into labeling who they are to each other, she's fun and spontaneous and always makes Kat feel light and free.

They've been seeing each other for a month when Adena calls. Kat's in a meeting when it happens. She runs to the bathroom as her heart races at the name and the thirty second voicemail.

"Kat, it's me. I hope you are well. There's so much to tell you and so much I wish...anyway I'm headed to California for an exhibit then I'll stop in New York before I fly back to Paris. I know it's...it's a lot to ask but I want to see you if it is possible. I understand if you do not want to. Just let me know."

She replays it three times before she exits the bathroom. She gets caught up in the pauses and the hesitation. She lets Adena’s voice flow over her and she can’t help but want more. She wanders back to her desk in a trance. Three months of nothing and now this. Her phone chimes and she jumps slightly.

It's Nicki. A picture of her laid in a spare hospital bed with the caption _I'm dying._

Kat bites her lip and scans for Sutton or Jane because what the hell is the protocol when your kind of ex wants to see you and you really want to say yes. They're both out but Michelle, a writer she's only shared a few words with but knows is a lesbian is throwing a paper ball in the air with headphones on. She’s probably listening to her latest pick of albums for their new music review.

Kat taps her on the shoulder and steadies her chair as Michelle almost falls out of it. Kat offers her an apologetic smile.

"Hey can we talk?"

Michelle knits her eyebrows and shrugs, pointing to an empty conference room. She takes a seat on the couch and Kat starts to pace. Michelle tilts her head up at her.

"What's up?"

"So I'm having a bit of a crisis and I like, don't want to be offensive, but Sutton and Jane are out and really you might know more about what to do than they would anyway because, well, you date women and sometimes it feels like this whole other world."

Michelle arches an eyebrow and draws out her response. "Okay."

"It's just, I really liked this woman and it freaked me out you know because I don't really like people. I'm more of a one night stand kind of girl then we kinda had a thing but I ended it because I was scared, then when I was ready she got back with her ex. Now I'm kind of seeing someone but the original woman is coming in two weeks and wants to see me and I don't want to lie to the woman I'm seeing now but how do you begin to explain something like this?"

Michelle nods and holds up a hand as if to calm Kat down. "So first things first, deep breath."

Kat stops pacing and breathes. "Ok."

Michelle smiles. "Good, now the new girl--"

"Nicki."

Michelle nods. "Nicki, are you two exclusive?"

Kat shrugs. "Kind of, we haven't really discussed specifics other than not sleeping with anyone else."

"All right, good, so things like this are only really a problem if you still have feelings for your ex."

_Does she still have feelings for Adena? Does she even count as an ex?_

Kat bites her lip, releases it, and sighs. "I don't know."

Michelle shrugs. "Well, that's not a no."

Kat shakes her head and sits opposite Michelle on the couch. “See, this is why that whole no attachments thing is easier.”

Michelle smiles then. “Yeah, I get that. Look, I think if you’re freaking out this much about it, you should probably tell Nicki. You could go and nothing happens but if you go and something does, you’ll hate yourself for lying.”

Kat nods. “That makes sense.”

Michelle pats her arm. “You’re doing fine, Kat. Just be honest with everyone and things will be ok.”

* * *

“ _The_ Adena? The one you pined for then ran back to her ex?”

They’re spread out on Kat’s couch sharing a glass of wine and Kat wants to drown the whole thing to wipe away the nerves she feels buzzing from all of this.

“Yeah,” she answers. She throws a hesitant smile Nicki’s way as Nicki takes in the information.

Nicki sips her wine and sighs. “You gotta go.”

Kat knits her eyebrows. “What?”

Nicki shrugs. “Kat, you know I like you. I think your friends are hilarious, I admire the tenacity you have in your career and well, who couldn’t love your smile?” Kat feels herself blush at the compliment and Nicki nudges Kat's leg with her foot. “Obviously, I hope it’s a disaster but if it isn’t, you gotta know right? Cause you’ll always wonder.”

Kat’s chest warms with affection for this woman she can’t believe she gets to know. “Thanks, Nicki.”

Nicki smiles softly. “You just let me know. No hard feelings either way, I promise.” Kat knows she’s sincere but she doesn’t miss the small sadness that lingers in Nicki’s eyes.

_Damn, this lesbian shit is still intense_.

* * *

Those freaking butterflies are still there and damn her traitorous body when she’s trying to play it cool. Adena smiles as they linger awkwardly in the doorway of the restaurant. Adena lifts her hands for a moment as if to hug her but ultimately decides against it.

They’re seated quickly and as soon as the waiter leaves, Adena speaks. “How are you?”

Kat swallows thickly. The question seems almost flippant with what lies between them. “I’m good. How was your exhibit?”

Adena nods. “It was good. The response was everything I hoped it would be.”

“That’s good.” She doesn’t mean to ask it so early but the question burns in her chest and she just has to know.  “How, um, how is Coco?”

Adena takes a deep breath and clears her throat. “She’s fine. She decided that I was right three months ago. We, well, we’re not--”

The waiter interrupts and they scramble to order, Kat immediately forgetting what she asks for. She watches the waiter walk back to the kitchen until Adena calls her name.

“Kat?”

She flips her gaze back and tries to quell the rising satisfaction that things may finally be where she wanted them just a few months ago.      

“Uh, yeah?”

Adena places her arms on the table slightly, running a hand up and down her upper arm. “I wanted you to know that Coco and I are broken up, officially. I’m thinking--”

“I’m seeing someone.” It comes out in such a rush that Kat isn’t completely sure it happens.

Adena drops her hands to her lap and tilts her head. “Oh?”

“Yeah, um, she’s a nurse. I met her through this speed dating night and I really didn’t think it would happen.”

Adena’s face falls and Kat thinks this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. “Well, she sounds lovely.”

_She isn’t you_ , she wants to add but the words get caught in her throat. “She is.”

“I was hoping, well, it doesn’t matter.” Adena reaches to take a sip of her water and turns her eyes from Kat’s.

_Come back to me_ , Kat thinks but the message never crosses her lips. They manage by some miracle to make it through their dinner. The tension eases when they focus on work and Adena’s travel plans. They hug outside the restaurant and it should feel awkward but it’s mostly comfortable and achingly familiar.

Adena gives her arm a squeeze as they part. “I want you to be happy, Kat.”

Kat smiles. “You too, Adena.”

“Perhaps next time I can meet this nurse?”

Kat knits her eyebrows. “Next time?”

“I’ll be back in three months, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, just let me know.”

Adena nods and leaves.

* * *

When she sees Nicki the next day, there’s a distance that wasn’t there before and it feels so ridiculous but it’s there.

Nicki pauses halfway through dinner and sets her fork down. “It was good, wasn’t it?”

Kat tilts her head. “What?”

Nicki sighs. “You and Adena?”

Kat shrugs. “It was awkward actually.”

Nicki smiles sadly and reaches over to squeeze Kat’s hand. “It was good.”

Kat feels like she might cry because this is what she wants. Nights in and good conversation, snarky comments while watching TV, lazy Saturday afternoons and concerts in the park. The only problem is, she can’t bring herself to want it with Nicki.

Nicki rises and kisses her on the cheek. “Let me know if it doesn’t work out.” When she shuts the door, Kat feels like a weight lifts from her chest but there is also a guilt that lingers because maybe it’s proof that she really can’t do this.

* * *

Adena comes in three days early and suprises Kat at work. Michelle escorts her to Kat’s desk and winks when Kat asks her in the hallway who’s here.

“Adena,” she greets as they both go in for a hug. “You weren’t supposed to be here till Friday.”

Adena smiles as they part. “I suppose I’m a little excited.” They haven’t discussed the fact that they’re both single or that Adena’s work visa is three years long thanks to a contract with two different galleries.

Kat smiles and gestures towards Jacqueline’s office. “Well, just let me say goodbye and we’ll go for lunch.”

“Oh, I don’t want to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know I’m here.”

Kat shakes her head. “It’s ok, I was going to leave for lunch anyway.”

They settle in the park with their food and Kat places a stack of napkins between them, a Scarlet paperweight keeping them from flying everywhere.

Kat takes a deep breath and turns to Adena. “Can I ask you something?”

Adena nods. “Of course.”

“Do you think, well, since you’ll be here for a while and since we’re both, damn,” she shakes her head and adds, “this went a lot better in the mirror?”

Adena chuckles. “Kat, would you like to go out with me?”

Kat sighs and smiles. “Yeah, I think I’d like that a lot.”


End file.
